The Adrenaline of Irony

My misadventures have many exciting ways of manifesting themselves. It all began when I offered to take my friend to another friend's wedding and reception in Logan Utah today. Last night the weather was good and clear as I went to bed, but upon waking the snow was falling and had already begun to build on the Earth's surface. Thus we set out and began adventuring to the Northern end of Utah. The weather was actually rather tame on our ride up, but from the moment we began our approach, the snow resumed. The entire time we were in Logan the snow continued to fall. This we witnessed from within the confines of the Old Rock Church in Providence Utah. This is where the wedding reception was held. My favorite part was probably before it even got started. Brett and I were sitting in a lobby while Lisa was helping get things ready for the reception. While we were talking one of the groom's siblings decided it would be awesome to pull the fire alarm. Well, the boy panicked and cried, but those of us who were watching the events unfold got quite a laugh out of it. The reception was quite enjoyable, and that is where the irony struck. I feel safe in assuming we all know what goes down at a wedding reception. Lisa, Brett, and I had all decided to bail and try and make it back, and before the awkward moment where all the single individuals are somehow forcibly confined into a small area where either a bouquet or garter (depending on your gender) will be thrown at you. Traditionally, it is said whomever catches their respective item will be the next to join the ranks of the married. At this particular reception, the receiver of the bouquet was a young child that couldn't have been eight years of age. If tradition rings true, all the other females there have a long wait before they will be getting married. Ironically, the person to catch the garter was me. I didn't want to catch it (which is another traditional thing, the girls go nuts fighting over the bouquet while the men couldn't care less about the garter), but when I saw that no one else was, I stretched out my hand and picked it from the air. What makes this so ironic, is the fact that I'm probably the last person that wants to get married. Marriage isn't a bad thing, I'm just not sure how interested I am in it. Well, once this was all done the three of us headed back toward American Fork and Provo. The roads were all covered in snow, but along the majority of the journey there was no problem. In Cache Valley all of the cars were packed together, so this proved to be quite a blessing. When we got to the Salt Lake area the snow had stopped, but the roads were still populated with millions of snowflakes. Maintaining my speed, which was greatly under the speed limit, I decided I needed to switch lanes. This is when my car decided it wanted to fishtail in the middle of I-15. I can honestly say I was grateful for something I learned in drivers ed tonight, because I was able to stop my car from spinning out and causing any accidents. After steering my car in such a manner that it got back on track we were able to continue our journey. I can't lie, I definitely felt the adrenaline pumping through my system after that little escapade. I am also very grateful that the roads were not very populated by this time on our quest. In the end we made it home safely without any accidents or other tragedies striking. I definitely can see the hand of the Lord in my life.

"With Many Years Ahead to Fall in Love... I Never Want to Act my Age"

So, today was quite the interesting day. It started off as a boring day (which tends to be the case in a college town during the holiday break), however, by finding things to keep me busy I was able to pass the time in a pleasant manner and keep myself from doing something stupid (which also tends to happen). At any rate, various events in my life have been making me think a lot lately, and thinking usually is a sign that something needs to change. At least, I feel that that is the reason. I probably should state that by thinking I really mean reflecting and pondering. What I haven't told you is that I haven't been on a date in roughly 16 months. I also have made a point of distancing myself from possible emotional connections with females, due to various bad experiences and lasting ideas I've fostered. As a disclaimer, I am very much straight, I just haven't felt comfortable letting myself get in a situation where I could be screwed over by a female again. I will admit that I am a bit cowardly when it comes to dating and relationships. Now that I have gone on my tangent and more or less given a brief synopsis of where these thoughts are coming from I shall proceed to tell you what I've been thinking about lately.

For starters, I have this friend. I don't know her super well, but I've found that I'm attracted to her. This isn't per se cause for me to change, but it bugs me. I don't like that I am drawn to her. She's a couple months younger than my sister (my mind tells me that this is too young), and I'm not wanting to date or resume the chase. Alas, this is only part of what is going through my mind. Another thing that is happening lately is that of my raging hormones. I find my body really wants to feel the rush of holding a girls hand, of making out, and just cuddling with an attractive female. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I personally don't believe in NCMO or friends with benefits. Hormonally speaking these sound great, but my mind won't have it. This means my body is giving my mind the business for trying to protect me from getting hurt. Oh, the joys of young adulthood. Then there is the part of my mind that has decided I need to open myself up to dating. This has caused much internal conflict about the whole thing. Whenever I think about being more open to dating I'm okay with it, but as soon as it becomes a thought of me asking any girl on a date I retreat back into my cave. So, here I am with a few levels of desire to be with a lovely lady, but also being afraid to leave the shelter of my cave and brave the storm. Oh, how wonderful life is, full of confusion and learning.

Kawabunga Dude

Life has a few things that are universally necessary. Included in this would be things like, air, food/water, shelter, love, and as everyone knows Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Without these imperative ingredients life just can't be sustained. There is a quote that states, "just because you're breathing doesn't mean you're alive". According to studies done by scientists at the University of Life, a life devoid of TMNT is hardly a life at all. In fact, this is a state known as zombiosis, a mindless state of unconscious breathing where the subject is unaware as life passes. Those suffering from zombiosis are hardly obvious to their affliction due to their lethargic mental health. In some regions zombiosis is the leading cause of aging and inactivity. Health professionals are baffled by the escalating number of cases of the disease. With cures so readily available to the general public, there really is no reason for anyone to suffer from the debilitating illness. The good news is that even if you find that you too are a victim of this raging pandemic, there is help. I have personally sought out many means of fighting off zombiosis myself. I initially started by purchasing a Michaelangelo belt buckle right after my mission. This TMNT item gave me an increase of joy and energy. In fact, I noticed instantly an increase in my quality of life upon the transaction. Since this there have been many more additions to the collection. My car has an air freshener which also portrays my personal favorite of the turtles, Mikey. Even as I type I am watching the old school cartoon. Leading mental health experts have found that the active involvement with TMNT has a fountain of youth type affect on those that partake of the goodness. Sadly, many will die never knowing they were infected with this crippling disease, but with advances in modern technology many more will be helped to lead healthy and active lives free from debilitating sicknesses like that of zombiosis. Now do yourself and all those you care about a favor by doing something to prevent the spread of disease.

A wii Second Christmas

Yesterday was Christmas, and if I were still in Europe (and I really want to go back there) today would be second Christmas. I, personally, am a giant fan of the whole two days of Christmas thing. See, when you have two days to do everything, you can really get down to the good ol' meaning of Christmas., which everyone knows is about eating lots and lounging around with your family. Now, that isn't really the case, but that is of course what always happens. This year, my Christmas was pretty awesome, although it was frustrating at times. See, it all started when I, and most of my family, woke up earlier than we really wanted to. We began our traditional Christmas day, but could only progress so far because my brother had to go in to work. Well, we managed to pass time until he made it back from work, but then my uncle's family (on my mother's side) came over to visit, which once again paused the normal festivities that are opening presents. This was followed by the departure of my father as he quested off to pick up his mother, so that she wasn't alone now that my uncle's family (on my father's side) had left her. While he was away my aunt came over with my two cousins (again on my mother's side). They were visiting with my mother's parents, who live in the basement, when my father returned. Fortunately, for the sake of all of us (we were getting slightly annoyed at the delays that kept piling on "Christmas") they came upstairs and we finally had everyone. By this time it was around six pm, but we finally commenced with opening up the presents that were piled under the tree. It was a great experience to be with the family and open up gifts. When all was said and done, we continued talking with one another and enjoyed some more of the delicious food. We then proceeded to set up the wii that my aunt so graciously gave the family, and played together as a family. Now, this may not have been the most conventional Christmas I've had, but I certainly loved it. I feel that leaving the presents and what have you until the end of the day made for a more enjoyable day. What would have been a long and rather unproductive day became one of spending quality time with the family and enjoying the company of one another. Now, I plan on returning to the abode of my parents and spending more time with them on this unofficial day of Second Christmas.

A Great Man Through the Eyes of a not so Great Man

Well, here I am again. You may have thought that I'm dead, but I'm not. I just took a long break from blogging while I came to view my life in a new light. There are many thoughts I have right now, but I think I will try and dedicate this entry to my patriarchal grandfather, William F. Lye. This great man died on 14 December 2010 at 80 years of age. Sadly, I didn't know my granddad as much as I now wish I did. Growing up the parents of my father lived in Logan Utah, a good two hour drive from my childhood stomping grounds of American Fork Utah. Now, that's not to say that I didn't get to see them each year at least once. I just wasn't able to make the trip to see them as often as I saw my mother's parents (probably because they live with us, and that makes a difference). By the time my dad's parents relocated to Cedar Hills Utah in April of 2009, his health was already on the decline. I'm not making excuses for not being more proactive, but there's also no point in dwelling on would have, could have, should have's.

Now, what kind of man was my grandfather you may ask? Well, this was a man that understood overcoming from an early age. When he was a child in Kimberly British Columbia Canada, he had polio. This didn't stop him from growing up and serving a mission for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. There he met his future wife and my grandmother, Velda Campbell, who was also serving as a missionary for the church. After their service they were eventually married, and began raising a family. One thing I really respect my grandfather for is legally becoming a citizen of the United States of America. Unlike many of the immigrants in today's society, he went through all the ridiculous loops the government asked him to, rather than just coming and imposing on the country. To me his life is epitomized by his everlasting quest for knowledge. I remember a picture he had in his office that stated, "If you think education is expensive, try ignorance". He took the time to attend college/university all the way through a doctorates program. Once he was done with all of that he taught at Rick's College and later at Utah State University. He even became a vice president of USU during his time there. He was a very studious and industrious man. Even after his retirement he continued to keep busy as the chairman for the habitat for humanity in Cache Valley Utah.

These things may mean little or nothing to you, but to me it's kind of a big deal. This is my heritage, and what I know and remember of my granddad. I had the wonderful opportunity of attending his funeral in Logan Utah last Saturday, 18 December 2010, where I reflected on what I received from his example and influence in my life. I'm thankful for the chance that was given me to sing at his funeral and honor him. Rather than being sad for me, it was more somber (which is saying a lot for me, just ask my family). The hardest part was realizing that my dad no longer had a luxury that I hope to have for years to come, the ability to talk and seek counsel from my father. So, with Christmas being tomorrow, I would like to say that I'm truly grateful for the gift of family in my life. It makes it so much more worthwhile. Life is beautiful.

Green Things Grow...

So, on my mission I heard the phrase, "Green things grow, when you think you're ripe you're rotten" quite a bit. So, I was thinking about this today and certain things I've been doing. Today I did something that made me quite uncomfortable going into it, but actually turned into a good experience. I was invited to a birthday party for a friend, but the party was for multiple people, one of which is my ex. I told my friend that I would go, even though I thought it was going to be totally awkward and stuff. Well, I was worried about it all the way to going in, but now that the experience is past me, I'm pretty confident it was for the best. I mean, when you step out of your comfort zone, you grow. You have to be green, by that I mean flexible and humble, and willing to just do things that aren't particularly your first choice. Doing things that stretch you, are going to help you become more and you never know what the outcome is going to be. I don't think anything big came of me going to this party, in fact, all in all I believe it was rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The good thing is, that I feel better about certain things and just feel happier about life. I wasn't bogged down or anything, but it felt liberating to take this experience by the horns and "take it like a man". I know I'm not "ripe", I have a lot of room for growth and learning. I hope that I can keep a "green" attitude and never develop the thoughts that I'm perfect where I'm at. My goal in life is to become the best me I can become. I'm going to accomplish that by stepping out of my zone and stretching me. My life is the opportunity I have to let God mold me, so I'm going to try and not get in His way.

Appreciation

I was thinking about something kind of complicated. Maybe you can help me figure it out. My thoughts were kind of about people and how we're all different. As people, what makes us tick? Here's what's been on my mind. People just don't seem to understand each other, and I've specifically been focusing on appreciation. I mean, you can do everything in the world for someone, but they won't appreciate you. I just don't get why people don't recognize certain things as valuable. We all have different views and opinions, but for the most part (I think), people are generally looking for the same thing. Why is it that you can be the most reliable, loyal friend in the world, yet you can still be viewed as just another friend, and because you're not as convenient as others you get kicked to the curb? Well, kicked to the curb is maybe a little drastic, but if you're not the most convenient, you have to take a back seat to those that aren't as possessing of these qualities just because they are the most convenient. I don't get it. I've never been able to figure out the human mind. People appreciate ease and convenience far more than quality and worth. I'm not just talking about in our interactions with others, look at wal-mart. It's a small business killer. The shops that used to provide quality and variety in different products are falling to the wal-mart onslaught. People just want to know where they can get what they want the quickest and cheapest. Then once they've supported the big business and the small specialty shops die, they wonder why "they don't make things like they used to". It's all the same, people settle for the convenient and when the quality is gone, they miss it. I've tried to keep this as my life philosophy for the last year now (that is, not letting go of quality for convenience in anything), and I know I'm not perfect. I still fall subject to human emotions and feelings. However, I don't want to be like this. I want to fill my life with things that are of worth and are going to last. If something has more value to me, I'm going to choose that over something that is just easy. I'm not going to sacrifice happiness for pleasure, it's just not worth it in the end. Let's face it, when has taking the easier road been the better option? I want the things that are of worth to be around long after the 'convenient' things lose their luster. I appreciate quality, and the extra work will be worth it in the end.

At a Loss...

Well, not that anyone reads this, except maybe Chelsea, but anyway, I'm kind of at a loss lately. It feels like a lot of things are all coming at me at once, and I don't really know what to do. I've been fighting and trying to keep things alive that matter to me, and I've been trying to prepare for some major changes that will be happening in my life in the near future. However, I feel like my endeavors aren't doing much, but rather they're kind of failing. I think the best way I can describe it would be to say that I feel like I'm in a cage of some sort and watching things happen. Despite my best efforts things appear to be falling apart. Now, it's not destroying me to see this... at least not externally, but it's hurting on the inside and I really don't know what to do. I'm not one to actually give up on things, at least not when I care. When I care, I'm committed and I do whatever it takes to make things work. I've learned though, that I can't always fix things. I'm not the Savior, I don't have the power to make everything better. Sure, I want to do whatever I can to make it happen, but I'm limited by something I call mortality. I'm just as limited as the next man. I don't know, I guess I'm just at a loss, and it's hard for me. I'm really trying to figure out what I need to do about things, but I haven't really gotten anywhere yet. I emphasize yet, because I will figure something out eventually, one way or another. For now, I'm stuck in my glass cage watching things happen and doing the little bit that I'm capable of. Other than my worries about losing things that matter to me, I'm doing pretty good, because I know that in the end I'll be alright. The problem is, I like to put others first and I want to make sure those I care about are going to be alright...

Emotions and a Run-Away Train

Today, I've been thinking about what has been happening in my life lately. To be completely honest, I've kind of let go of the controls in my life and let my emotions take over. This has been a huge problem. Because of this, I literally became a bystander in my life to whatever my body felt like doing. Basically I became like a child and it had an affect on everything I did. It wasn't until recently that I came to realize just what I was allowing to happen in my own life.

I'm used to hearing that drugs and alcohol are the typical ways that people lose control of their lives, but I learned that emotions left unchecked can do the same. I think the only difference was, because they were my own emotions it felt real and not so much like I was a bystander. I was "living" my life, and through my own eyes too. I didn't feel any of that separation from myself, which probably only added to the problem, it gave me a false sense of control in my life. It kept me from seeing the idiot I had become.

Well, thanks to good friends (yes, I do like to talk about my friends a lot), I saw that I had become something I never wanted to be. I knew I wasn't my ideal person, but I didn't realize why I couldn't be that person. Anyway, my eyes were opened to this in a sense and I realized what was going on. So, for the past week I've been working on managing my emotions, as opposed to letting them manage me. It's really made a huge difference in my life already. I know it hasn't been long, but I've already noticed a difference. I'm a lot more aware of the feelings that are going through my body, and this gives me the power to sort them before I go into auto-pilot and allow them all to surface and run my life. I feel like I've gained a new sort of weapon in my life to help me become all that I want to become.

As a result of all of this, I feel like I'm under construction. I am making a lot of changes in my life, which makes me feel kind of awkward and exposed, but I know that the results will be better than the run-away train that I was living before. I have hope again to be the happy person I once was. Now, this doesn't mean all negative emotions are gone, in fact all the emotions I had before are still there. The difference is that I can stop them. I'm dealing with the feelings that used to destroy me and I'm able to turn around and laugh about something as dumb as Robot Unicorn Attack (a game on adultswim.com). Bridle your passions.

Friends and a Thing Called Life.

Well, today I was pondering on friends again. I guess it's kind of my big thing these days. Anyway, I was reflecting on the fact that over time friends tend to drift apart. Even the best of friends can become mere acquaintances without the proper care and work. That's right, I said work. Being friends isn't all fun and games. If you think it is, your relationships with your friends probably aren't very deep. Now, don't get all defensive because I stated my opinion. This is my blog and I'm entitled to say whatever I want. At any rate, I was thinking and realizing that sometimes we build deep friendships and they start to dissipate. For whatever reason, the friendship becomes harder to maintain, and that can lead to the disintegration of a friendship. It's not that the two friends become enemies, but rather they just sort of drift apart as life carries them separate ways. I'm feeling in my own life that the threat of dissolving friendships creates a sort of fear or angst, at least with those that are close to me. I realized that if certain people in my life were to disappear, it would be as though my best friend had moved away in the first grade all over again. That feeling of losing the coolest person in the world, the one that you would hang out with all the time every day. Yeah, it's not a good feeling. So, I feel a need to pull on my friends that are closest, to keep them close and try not to let them just slip away. Most of my adolescent life I spent not having close friends. I would meander from group to group in high school, and when everyone was doing something else I would walk around by myself. I felt very isolated. However, I have since then developed some amazing friendships. Friendships that have changed my life, and will forever have an impact on the person I am to become. I don't want to let these important people in my life go. They're just like family to me, and I would do anything for my family. They mean the world to me.

What's in a friend?

I would just like to take a moment to acknowledge what I value in my friends.

1. I value the ability to talk to them about my life and the struggles I face. Being able to talk keeps me grounded and stops me from doing something completely stupid, like running away to never return. It also helps me not be too irrational in dealing with those that upset me.

2. I value their commitment and loyalty despite me. I know my friends will always be there for me, and accept me for who I am. I don't have to be fake in order for them to care about me. I like knowing that even though sometimes I can "piss [them] off" they forgive me and don't miss a beat.

3. I value the support they give me. Let's face it, sometimes life is a beach, and we all need somewhere to go. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself, but I don't like to turn to my family all the time. I love them to death, but my friends are the outside view that I need a lot of the time.

I know I have a different opinion of the term 'friend' than I did months ago. This changed definition of a friend has led me to realize that I don't have many friends, but I have a lot of acquaintances. So, here's to my friends, the people that keep me going.