Emotions and a Run-Away Train

Today, I've been thinking about what has been happening in my life lately. To be completely honest, I've kind of let go of the controls in my life and let my emotions take over. This has been a huge problem. Because of this, I literally became a bystander in my life to whatever my body felt like doing. Basically I became like a child and it had an affect on everything I did. It wasn't until recently that I came to realize just what I was allowing to happen in my own life.

I'm used to hearing that drugs and alcohol are the typical ways that people lose control of their lives, but I learned that emotions left unchecked can do the same. I think the only difference was, because they were my own emotions it felt real and not so much like I was a bystander. I was "living" my life, and through my own eyes too. I didn't feel any of that separation from myself, which probably only added to the problem, it gave me a false sense of control in my life. It kept me from seeing the idiot I had become.

Well, thanks to good friends (yes, I do like to talk about my friends a lot), I saw that I had become something I never wanted to be. I knew I wasn't my ideal person, but I didn't realize why I couldn't be that person. Anyway, my eyes were opened to this in a sense and I realized what was going on. So, for the past week I've been working on managing my emotions, as opposed to letting them manage me. It's really made a huge difference in my life already. I know it hasn't been long, but I've already noticed a difference. I'm a lot more aware of the feelings that are going through my body, and this gives me the power to sort them before I go into auto-pilot and allow them all to surface and run my life. I feel like I've gained a new sort of weapon in my life to help me become all that I want to become.

As a result of all of this, I feel like I'm under construction. I am making a lot of changes in my life, which makes me feel kind of awkward and exposed, but I know that the results will be better than the run-away train that I was living before. I have hope again to be the happy person I once was. Now, this doesn't mean all negative emotions are gone, in fact all the emotions I had before are still there. The difference is that I can stop them. I'm dealing with the feelings that used to destroy me and I'm able to turn around and laugh about something as dumb as Robot Unicorn Attack (a game on adultswim.com). Bridle your passions.